Crossing the Gully... Leaving the Reporters in the Dust! |
This story takes place in the deserts of Kuwait about 20 clicks south of
the Iraq boarder. I was now a CPL and tasked to take my Gunny to the
Regimental camp to pick up some reporters and escort them back to our camp. The
war hadn't kicked off yet so my Gunny and I weren't to concerned when we got
there in our humvee (soft top style humvee, with no doors and half a top) only
to see two groups of reporters in there brand new Mercedes-Benz SUVs. They were
joking with us at how beat up our military machine was and telling us it looks
like it should be used for target practice. Now my Gunny and I weren't to
pleased to be out here having to baby sit some reporters we didn't want sticking
there nose in our business anyways so we figured we'd put there vehicles to the
test against our "target on wheels". My Gunny pulled out his pocket GPS, typed
in the coordinates for our camp and away we went. We had radio contact with the
reports with handheld radios (ICRs). As we started out one driver comes across
the net and asks us why we aren't taking the main road they have on their maps.
My Gunny answers back "well gentlemen, we are in a tactical situation and the
enemy may have seen us come in this way so we need to go another way to avoid a
possible ambush". I couldn't stop laughing as we continued on our trek up and
over some good size (man made) sand dunes left over from the first Gulf War. And
again the radio squawks "Hey guys could you slow down a bit our vehicles are
having a difficult time in this sand". Gunny replies "Yeah sure thing". Again we
crack up laughing, cause here these know it alls are eating their words, making
funny of our humvee and their SUVs can't hack it. We told them we would slow
down but we didn't. Then came the part were we almost had a taste of our own
medicine. As we crested the top of this hill we came across a gully. It was
about a 4 meters deep and 10 meters wide. The drop was pretty much
straight down. Now we didn't want to come this whole way just to have to turn
around and go back to the road so my Gunny said go for it. So I turned
the humvee at a 45 degree angle and started to push the front left tire over the
edge. As gravity took into effect we slowly slid down like a crab one wheel at a
time making contact with the bottom of the gully and the sides of the sand wall.
I thought for sure we were going to roll but nope never did. We made it down into
the gully and then found a section on the oppisite side of the gully that was
about a meter or two high and again I put one tire on the sand wall and crawled
up, over and out of the gully. As we stopped to get out we noticed the reports
standing there with there bewildered looks on there faces and coming over the
radios again saying "Uh, guys we aren't going to make that". We found a
place for the reports to cross and we made it back to camp, but we proved that
looks don't matter when it comes to Humvees. As long as you have a frame, seat,
engine, tires and a steering wheel a humvee will get you where you need to go.
-- KW
|
Ocean Drive! |
As a PFC in the Marines I received the opportunity to go to Humvee driving
school on Camp Pendleton, CA. In the course we get to test out our "snorkels" in
the Pacific ocean. As all former Marines know you always have an "A" driver with
you. Mine was a CPL from my BN. He had been a driving Humvees for 3 years now
and thought the position of "A" driver was boring so he decided to take a nap
while we tore along the beach. As the word came over the radio to flip our
switches, follow the vehicle in front of you and make your way into the ocean I
awakened my CPL to ask him a very important question, "How fast should I enter
the water ?" he was not pleased that I wake him from his nap so he leaned over
grabbed the steering wheel and away we went. Now as big as those humvees are
they still turn on pretty well. The last thing I remember was looking down at
the speedometer and seeing 30 mph (or very close to it) and then seeing nothing
but water engulfing our vehicle. At this time the ocean had a pretty good tide
coming in, about 5 foot swells. We had gone out about 25 to 30 ft. The engine
was still running but all I could see was water at the wind shield. My "A" drive
was awake now and screaming at me to reverse. Which I did and promptly drove
back onto the beach. After catching up to the rest of the convoy we stopped and
checked the vehicle out. The only damage done was that the impact of the water
had broken every fan blade in engine block and so we had to drive back to the
motor pool going 20mphs the entire way back as the engine would over heat if we
went any faster. It took us and hour and a half to get back to main side. But
the humvee never missed a beat and I was back in the drivers seat the next day.
Same humvee, different "A" driver. -- KW
|
Very Steep |
I was an Army aviator for 8 years and here are my two
favorite Hummer stories-- At the NTC at Ft. Irwin, CA an LTC
Infantry BN commander wanted a good look out over the
battlefield. He had his driver pull their hummer up to the crest
of a big hill/mountain and then ease out over the edge. The
driver voiced concern but the colonel insisted. The grade was
steeper than expected and the hummer started to slide. The driver
had the foresight to lock the emergency brake and they both dove out
opposite sides of the vehicle. It came to rest at a ridiculously
steep angle right on the edge of a fairly deep cliff. Nobody
anyplace as willing to try to climb in and back it out as it was
literally within inches of falling over the edge. I helpfully
suggested that they plant some flowers around it and make it a landmark
or tribute or something. The grunt colonel was not amused.
Eventually we rigged a set of sling legs underneath one of my CH-47D's
and hovered over the stranded vehicle while a couple of grunts gingerly
rigged it from the top down for slingloading. We lifted the
vehicle off of the mountain and set it on the desert floor. The
colonel was grateful.
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During a different rotation I was an Observer/Controller
(like an umpire) for a sister aviation unit and had a Hummer at my
disposal. I was tearing across the desert as only the young and
stupid in possession of an obscenely capable off-road machine can, hit
a massive dune, and launched myself into free space. The vehicle
came completely off the ground and then angled nose down prior to
impact. It landed on the right front tire and blew it out.
The run flats performed as advertised and carried me back to the post
cantonement area in relative comfort. I reported to the
maintenance facility and gave it my best "I don't know what happened,
it just exploded" look to go along with an innocuous story about a slow
leak over several days. The maintenance guy took one look at what
was left of the tire and didn't buy a word of it. He
grumbled but swapped it out for me. I drove that
vehicle for another three weeks and fell in love with it. What an
incredible machine. I have flown a great many aircraft and can
also honestly say that, for a few moments at least, I flew a Hummer as
well.
-- W. D., former Major, Aviation, U.S. Army |
Flipper -- Not Only a Porpoise |
A few months ago, a
friend of mine told me a little story. Being
in the military for 8 years I didn't believe it. He told me he
flipped his Hummer over. I laughed in his face and told him God
couldn't flip a
Hummer and he could tell his lie to someone else. Believe it or
not he did it, the guy at the dealership said the same thing I
did. But he replaced his
door, bent and scratched only on the top, and his driver's side mirror.
Here's the lie... A 90 degree turn came out of nowhere and he ran up
the 6 foot bank
and stopped somewhat at the top. The angle was pretty steep and the
passenger side tire was hanging about 3 feet off the ground. You
can only guess
what was going though his mind. " I'll just drive the rest of the
way up, turn around and drive back down." Easy, right?
Here's the catch. The
angle at which he was at threw him a twist. As he started forward
the front didn't come down the way he wanted it to. The rear driver's
side slipped, then caught
traction quickly and barrel rolled him almost all the way over. A
couple of passers by helped him hook up the winch and get the tires
back on the
ground. To no surprise, he cleaned the window and drove
away. If I hadn't seen the damage and the dirt for myself I
wouldn't have believed it. -- "B" |
Tow Truck Needed |
I won't sign my name to this one, but it is a funny story (and an instructive one for new Hummer owners). Just after I got my Hummer, I was playing around on some dirt piles on a construction site. As I slowly crested the top of a rather steep one, I lurched to a stop, finding that I was high-centered. The weeds had obscured a knife-edge ridge, and being a mere construction site pile, I hadn't bothered to walk it. Being Saturday morning, with the whole neighborhood passing by on their way hither and yon, and having no adequate anchor point for the winch, I did the most expedient thing...and called a tow truck. Thankfully, they got there quick...and funny enough, the tow truck driver told me that his job in Desert Storm was to operate a recovery vehicle that spent most of its time rescuing Humvees high centered on sand dunes. He pulled me four inches, and I was free. Probably the best part of the story is that as I waited for the tow truck, a little old lady pulled up in her brand new Jeep Cherokee and asked me if I needed help. When I said "no thank you, help is on the way," she said, with a good heart, " let me at least take some photos for you to remember this." The photos came out well, although I rarely show them. But it was a great lesson. |
Full Moon Madness |
I was driving my Hummer and I came to a bit of a dilemma. A traffic jam -- boy, it pissed me off. There was a white Impala in front of me. It was a 1977, a true classic. So I had my buddy go and hook up the winch. I pulled the boat out of the way and drove off. BOY IT WAS FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Driving UNDERWATER! |
As a sergeant in the Marines, I noticed that many of the Hummers we had in the unit were equipped with "Snorkel Kits". One of the motor pool NCOs informed me that this would allow the vehicle to travel while submerged under water. He said that the engine was sealed and that as long as no water went into air-intake/exhaust it could travel through some rather deep water. I don't know just how capable this feature is, but I do know that on one particular occasion, we were traveling through some swampy areas and I gave the order to my driver to stop. He willingly obeyed, but could not understand why I was so exasperated. It seems that we were about to cross a flooded area that sported over 3 feet of water! He told me not to worry and to hold onto my seat, and then we proceeded to cross over 50 yards of hard-flowing water up to the doors. We were in a soft-top and did get a fair amount of water into the cab, but what a rush! Since that time I have dreamed nightly of owning one of these babies (although I hope the seats are a little more comfortable than the military version - you practically have to keep a tube of Preparation-H with you at all times because its a rough ride). -- from Cris |
Muddin' |
I've been stuck in the mud a number of times. It is not too
difficult
to
do all you need is two feet of good mud. I have only been stuck in
man-made
mud, where heavy equipment has destroyed the subgrade. Natural mud
holes
always seem to have enough solid ground to power through.
The worst (Best) experience was trying to cross a stream with
steep ravines on either side. My Godzilla glands got all fired up
thinking
about it, but I tried to suppress them. I told my friend that since the
water was about 18 inches deep, we'd be looking at another 12 inches of
mud and combined with the 50 degree approach and departure angles, we'd
be stuck for sure. He called me chicken. Next thing you know I am
standing
up to my waist in freezing cold water trying to figure out where the
front
of the Hummer went and if I'd ever see it again. I pulled the winch
cable
up the ravine and attached it to a tree halter and returned to the
truck.
Great...except that the end of the cable was about 20 ft from the
winch,
and the end frayed. I spent the net hour trying to reattach the cable
to
the
submerged winch with frozen, scratched, and bleeding hands. I
eventually
got it though and with an extension chain was able to winch up and out.
Thank God for my winch. It protects me like none other. -- from Dave E.
|
Over the Hill and into the . . . |
As a private stationed in Korea, I was assigned to drive the lieutenant
on my first trip to the field. This was during June and the Monsoon
season
had just begun. We got seven inches of rain in one night and needless
to
say the ground was soup. We had to set up for a night range and the
lieutenant
needed to cross a rather steep hill to set up a retrans station. Coming
over the top of the hill, I noticed that the other half of the hill had
slid completely away. My HumVee slid down about a 65 degree drop-off
into
a mud hole that buried it up to the windows. We couldn't get a tank
close
enough to tow it out, so we had to radio for an air support unit and
have
it air lifted out. -- Josh B.
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Narrow Alley -- No Problema |
This was a case of
"narrow-mindedness" as much as anything. I was going
around the block because I spied a parking space. To save a little
distance
I decided to go down the alley instead of going all the way around the
block. I start to turn into the alley and I noticed a van parked there
with clearly not enough room for a wide Hummer to pass. Darn!
Wait a minute! This is a Hummer for Crissakes. How dare I
think
I can't get by! So I turned down the alley. When I approached the van,
I slowed down, popped the transmission into Low Lock and proceeded to
drive
up the 20-inch wall on the side of the alley. With the left wheels on
the
top of the wall, the Hummer was tilted at a rather steep angle -- quite
a thrill for my passenger. I drove past the van, turned to come down
off
the wall, and was on my way. No Problema! -- Tommy |
Bumpy Night Mission |
While on a night mission I had to drive without lights. The
Staff
Sergeant
who was with me in the passenger seat was catching a nap. I was driving
down a dirt road looking for camp. All of a sudden the passenger side
of
the hummer went straight up and the truck was leaning at a 45 degree
angle
and then dropped back down. I was surprised but my passenger was REALLY
surprised. I don't know if he was cursing or praying because he was
yelling
in Spanish. A few seconds later it happened again! I tried to stop the
vehicle but it happened one last time before I stopped. I got out to
see
what it was I hit. There was a long line of dirt piles in the road,
each
at least four-foot tall. I hit the first three with the front right
side
tire. Had I been in my own S-10 truck, we would have been flipped over.
I started laughing because it was the most fun I had in a while. The
Sarge
kept yelling about how I had tried to kill him.
|
Mud Slide Slim |
Well, I am not so sure I want to admit this, but I got a
Hummer stuck
and
had to call a tow truck. Of course, now I have a winch and can get
myself
out of such jams. But at the time my friends thought it incredibly
funny.
The fact that it was midnight only made them laugh harder. Mr. Hummer
Guy,
showing off his new toy to his friends . . .
I thought these things were unstuckable! Wait a minute. I should not
be chastised and laughed at. Maybe I did something that deserves
commendation.
Yes, of course, I deserve commendation -- I stuck the unstuckable.
Well,
would you believe . . .
|
A Funny Response |
This is an email note sent to Attila's Used Hummers that we found humorous:Date sent: Mon, 10 Jun 1996From: J.O.N.@ . . . Subject: your hummer Hi, I'll give you $2,721.57 for your hummer. I will also give you my little brother, and my bike. Hope you seriously consider this. J.O.N. ps - the boy, although a bit whiney, is a good worker. |
An Amusing Response . . . |
This is a response we received about buying a used Hummer:
"Hello, I am highly interested in purchasing a used Hummer, and from what I've seen, your dealership is the finest of the few that sell used Hummers. However, I've never purchased a car before, so I, well, don't really know what I'm talking about. The only knowledge I do have about buying a car is pretty much from what I hear in commercials (mainly stuff about financing). So, basically, I would like to know if your dealership offers financing (what execatly is financing anyways??), and if so, what would one have to do to qualify for it? Thanks for the help..." |
Send a note to: attilathehum@gmail.com
Copyright ©1996 Attila's Used Hummer Network
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